A Super Hero

I want to tell you a real life story of a super hero. There was this little girl who watched spiderman and xmen as she grew up, she looked up to pheonix, and idolized batman. She was a geek among geeks. Many years later someone asked her what she wanted to be and she simply replied, "All I have ever wanted to be is a super hero." It sounds so silly, it can't be real. Most boys and girls grow up wanting to be a doctor, a pilot, a fireman, these are just some of these real life super heros. But no she wanted to be a super hero, not any of those things. She wanted to help people.

And so when she was choosing what she wanted to be when she grew up, and when she was going through college, she thought, do I want to be a nurse, for they help people, or do I want to help people with their hearing, do I want to help them with speech problems, or do I want to help them with their learning disabilities. All these things are things that will help people in need. The very thing that super heros do. But this is where this story of that little girl and a little boy cross. A young boy, with just 4 years in the service, a Junior Non Commissioned Officer in the United States Air Force, Hugged that little girl goodbye and got on a plane and set off into the night late october of 2007 for a land of sand and of many many people hell bent on taking his very life, from his family, from his friends, and most of all from that special girl. Armed with a backpack, a wrench, and a Guard Moose given to him by that girl, that young NCO set of for Iraq to wage war for his country, his friends, his family, for that little girl. Scared of everything that was around him, scared he may never make it back. That moose given to him in care by the little girl made him feel safe. He carried it to work in his backpack everyday, and back to his bunk to sleep with him at night. And when the mortors fell, he looked to the moose, who was tasked by the girl to protect him. But it wasn't really the moose, it was what the moose represented, the protection of that little girl, who was looking over him so very far away.

After a couple months that boy came back and gave the moose back to the little girl. It had done its job, but that girl did more for him in the coming months, she nursed his sainity back to the point where he could call his soul human. From the horrors and coldness of war. With the warmth in her heart, even if she didn't know it, thawed out the humanity in his soul. Because of who this little boy was before he had left for the war, she ended up showing him the light, by sacrificing her heart. It destroyed that little boy, but he learned something from it so dear to him, that even if the little boy never got to be with that little girl ever again, he will always say, "thank you." Because that little boy is not a little boy anymore, yet transformed into a man. Saved from his own self destruction, by a girl that just always wanted to be a super hero. That man, in a token, left on her door Christmas eve, a package. In it was presents that she had wanted for a long time, but there was one gift that the man does not know if the woman who was once that girl knows what it means. In Iraq that young man had a medal pinned upon his chest to say, you have served your country, and done your best, you have been in this far away land called Iraq, and done your duty, and we pay our respect. But that man does not believe it is he who deserves that medal. For there was his super hero back home, who got him through. And super heroes deserve medals too.

Charlize Theron

"There's only so much you can do, but if somebody doesn't give you a chance there is nothing you can do."

When Happiness comes, offer it a comfortable seat.

All the riches, and all the money, all the goals and all the accomplishments, and for all we fight for in life, what is it worth if there is no love. And when love comes, why not fight for it and go after it. I see as scrooge did, do not be afraid. I was and still am afraid of the world in many ways. But courage is not the fact that you are afraid, but instead, doing what is right even when you have such fear. Not letting that fear rule you. The whole principle Dickens' had for A Christmas Carol was written in 1843, in October of 1843, just 2 months before its first print. That print only had 6000 copies, and on Dec 19, 1843, hit bookstores around London. It sold out in 5 days. And by the time Christmas of 1844 came around, it was already in its 6th printing. A Christmas Carol is the second most popular story at christmas, only next to the story of The First Christmas. But it has forever changed our outlook on this holiday. Yes before, there were gifts given, and there was celebrating, but not like it is today. We did not look at those around us who were less fortunate and care for them. It brought the subject of poverty to a forefront. Charity, and compassion have now become probably the biggest part of Christmas in the Modern day. But I find it so funny how so many ignore those simple things. Love, Happiness, Compassion, Forgivness, and Redemption. I was told once by someone I loved very much that people couldn't change, and that it was time to move on. But I ask, I ask those people around me, Look at Scrooge! A man who had a heart, and let it go because of some pursuit of riches. I did not persue money, yet more self indulgence. I too let someone walk away. And though I may not be as old as Scrooge was when he saw his young self, And yelled at his young self to fight, to chase, to go and get her; I feel his age now in maturity. The young Scrooge felt that he was so much more than a boy, that he had grown up so much. I see that in me, and in others, how we believe that there are other things more important. Or that others may come our way, and that the past is not something to work on. For it is in the past. My past has shaped my present and my future. It is in the Past that I found the answers to so many questions. And now, so many ignore the present and the future. We all can change, we can all redeam ourselves. But there is a part that this story doesn't show so well. Scrooge's Nephew and Bob Cratchet forgive and welcome him in, without a thought. Even with all the indiscreations and horid acts he had beared witness to. That he treated those like such beings that were beneath him, he showed his cold and rock heart, and was prideful about it. So Prideful that he really ignored his heart, and his feelings. He ignored those very things that make life worth living, those things that were right beneath his nose. I ask you this holiday season to open your heart to those you have waged battles with, I ask you to find forgivness in your soul. I ask you to be patient. But most of all, I ask you to not be afraid of the things, which though are scary, could be the biggest rewards in your life.

Happy Holidays,

Will

WW1

The scene was the dreaded “no man’s land” separating dank and dreary trenches during WWI. It was, as the name implies, a forbidding place, one which modern weaponry had transformed into a moonscape on which even stout-hearted warriors feared to tread.

The conflict waged there was dubbed “the War to End All Wars,” but it was merely one that changed war forever. Gone were the days of the bold cavalry charge, as a fearsome new weapon, the machine gun, made such tactics suicidal. Other fearsome weapons would also be introduced, such as the tank, the bomber and mustard gas. And certain terms were originated to describe the horrors wreaked by these new technologies, such as Anzac soup, which was water in a shell-hole contaminated with a corpse; and basket case, which originally described a quadruple-limb amputee.

The two sides visiting this great carnage on each other were sometimes separated by only 30 yards. Yet they were worlds apart, divided by a no man’s land of suspicion, animosity and decisions made far from their hell on Earth. But there was something that, at least for a time, could bridge that chasm, something that really did bring quiet to the Western Front. And it all started the night of December 24, 1914.

That dark, cold Christmas Eve thousands of soldiers stopped fighting and started celebrating – not just with their comrades-in-arms but also with those mysterious, barbaric men at the other end of the gun. Meeting together on the killing field, they buried the dead and, for a time, the hatchet. This rare event is known as the Christmas Truce, and it is one of the most touching stories in the annals of modern warfare.

The initial peace overture was made by the Germans with a tactically-used chocolate cake they had managed to sneak into British trenches (a good German chocolate cake can soften up anyone!). Then, as Simon Rees tells us in his piece “The Christmas Truce”:

Even more amazingly, it [the cake] was accompanied with a message asking for a ceasefire later that evening so they could celebrate the festive season and their Captain's birthday. They proposed a concert at 7.30pm when candles, the British were told, would be placed on the parapets of their trenches.

The British accepted the invitation and offered some tobacco as a return present. That evening, at the stated time, German heads suddenly popped up and started to sing. Each number ended with a round of applause from both sides.

. . . Along many parts of the line the Truce was spurred on with the arrival in the German trenches of miniature Christmas trees – Tannenbaum. The sight these small pines, decorated with candles and strung along the German parapets, captured the Tommies' [British soldiers’] imagination. . . .

It was the perfect excuse for the opponents to start shouting to one another, to start singing and, in some areas, to pluck up the courage to meet one another in no-man's land.

Then it began. The British joined with the Germans in singing carols and songs. The men exchanged gifts, jokes, pictures, addresses, stories and cigarettes and lent each other tools. They even started impromptu soccer games, thereby turning what had been a killing field into a playing field. Struck by this astounding turn of events, a German soldier named Kurt Zehmisch noted the friendly competition in the following diary entry: “The English brought a soccer ball from the trenches, and pretty soon a lively game ensued. How marvelously wonderful, yet how strange it was. The English officers felt the same way about it. Thus Christmas, the celebration of Love, managed to bring mortal enemies together as friends for a time.”

Yes, it was a celebration of love animated by the power of faith. For this was no truce authored by nations’ high commands; in point of fact, many of the top brass were alarmed by such fraternization and sought to prohibit it (on the other hand, other high-ranking officers tolerated or even welcomed the celebration). Rather, it was the work of ordinary men placed in the worst of situations but responding to the best of motivations.

Of course, the Christmas Truce didn’t last forever, not all parts of the Western Front observed it with equal force, and the subsequent years of war would not see such peace break out again.Yet it held all of that Christmas Day, and, in many areas, throughout Boxing Day (Dec. 26) and beyond.

Some may lament that it didn’t last longer, but it’s a testimonial to the power of the faith that it happened at all. I cannot imagine godless men or tribal pagans being so moved. For something happens when we hear counsel such as “He who does the will of my father in Heaven is my mother and my brother” and “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.” When we accept this truth and God’s grace to help us live it, our hearts come to know that we are all children of the same Father and thus are all brothers. And how can you have brotherhood among families and nationalities – and not just within them – without this understanding?

Such fraternity is hard to achieve, of course, but this is no indictment of faith. The truth is that the better a person’s ideals are, the less he can live up to them; thus, it’s not that Christianity is unfit to lead but that broken man is unfit to follow. Yet follow we must, toddling and stumbling as we go. And while we may not be able to stop every battle, with God’s grace we all can try to prevail in the one waged in the heart.

May each of us seek to make that battlefield a beautiful place, where all regions are every man's land and every day is Christmas.

Christmast is the time of year to be compassionate for your fellow man. To open your arms and hearts to those you may have been fighting with, and to let them in to celebrate, and maybe even become a friend. We have to much fighting in this world as it is. Find that friendship, forgivness, and warm feeling in your heart. One of the greatest gifts man can give is compassion.



British and German Soldiers, Christmas Day, 1914.

Deny it if you want, but we all listened to the boy bands from the early part of this decade.

You're my sunshine after the rain
You're the cure against my fear and my pain
'Cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around
It's all (It's all)
It's all because of you
You're my sunshine, oh yeah

Baby I really know by now
Since we met that day
You showed me the way
I felt it then
you gave me love, I can't describe
How much I feel for you
I said baby I should have known by now
Should have been right there
whenever you gave me love
And if only you were here
I'd tell you, yes I'd tell you (oh yeah)

[Chorus]

Honestly could it be you and me
Like it was before neither less or more
'Cause when I close my eyes at night
I realize that no one else could ever take your place
I still can feel and it's so unreal
When you're touching me, kisses endlessly
It's just a place in the sun where our love's begun
I miss you, yes I miss you baby, oh yeah

[Chorus]

If I knew how to tell you what's on my mind
(Make you understand)
The I'd always be there right by your side

[Chorus]

You're my sunshine
You're my sunshine
Oh yeah

my friend Marci's Quotes

"It's hard to wait around for something that may never happen. But it's even harder to give it up. Especially when it's everything you've ever wanted"

"You fail to see the one who loves you standing right in front as does she fail to see you love her in turn. Don't wait to tell her, because it might be to late then."

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I am not perfect and I do not live to be, but before you start pointing your fingers, make sure your hands are clean."

"Sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching
Love like you'll never get hurt & like like heaven on Earth. "

"Always be yourself;
because the people who mind don't matter
and the people that matter, don't mind."

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take..
It's the amount of moments that take your breath away."

"Life is too short. Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can, appologize when you should, and let go of what you cant change. Love deeply and forgive quickly. Take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. Life is too short to be unhappy. You have to take the good with the bad, smile when you are sad, love what you got and always remember what you had. Always forgive... Never forget... Learn from your mistakes, but never regret.."

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything."

Time to live life on the Edge

realize

Colbie Caillat-Realize
Uploaded by minimp3center

Its that time again

Formal Dinning Out! No date this year, but thats cool, because me and the boys are going to get smashed!


Last year's Formal dinning out with a very lovely lady I knew.



Two years ago, with my best friend!

Compassion

sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it

Do unto others and you would want done unto you. (The Golden Rule)

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation."
-Henry Ward Beecher

Why is it the old stuff, why something you never realized was there, says it all.

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

(The Beatles)

Stephen Covey

"One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present."

Today's Horoscope

You really don't like expressing anger, although you can be a formidable opponent when pushed too far. Today you might feel as if someone is playing with you, seeing how long you can withhold your emotions. But you would rather wait it out by keeping your annoyance to yourself. Take the high road and let the negativity pass you by.

Taurus

The Sand box

Looks like the little cousin may be going to the sand box pretty soon. Funny thing is I might meet him there this summer.

Moral Fiber

school

So I am in College algebra right now, I know right, I have 400 level course and 300 levels all done, and all I have left are these stupid weed out classes, and to be honest, I struggle with those classes. I can design basic Airport layouts and tell you about the best ergonomics for a cockpit. I even understand the fundmental basics of catastrophic jet engine failures. (YES Jet engines are big vacum cleaners, suck, bang, blow.) Anyways, here I am one class this semester, just getting actually a good grade. I am only like 6 classes away. I need to get this crap done by May. I really wanted to last year. Just so much on my plate, a lot of growing up to do. A lot of things that I am finally going to intergrate into my life now. So heres to Algebra, Boooo.

...dreams.... life.....

The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.

Parting glass, High Kings

middle of week excursion.

So my friend Mary came into town, and we went for coffee, It was great. Then it was off to Imbibe. Imbibe rules! If you haven't gone to that bar, you really should.

Every Asshole

Trust in Me

trust in me
cause i know the pain

trust in me
cause i know the cold nights

trust in me
cause i know the lonliness

trust in me
cause i know my heart

trust in me
cause i know my soul

trust in me
cause i know what i give

trust in me
cause i know who i am

trust in me
cause i know what i want

trust in me
cause i know i can trust you! !

TERRY BONAM

Crossroads....

Walls.....

No Dream is impossible....

How to Regain Broken Trust by Insomnia Princess, published Feb 26, 2007

Trust is a difficult thing to gain and once you lose it, some say it is impossible to regain. While lies, betrayal and broken promises are painful, they don't always have to be the end of a relationship. There may be some situations where broken trust simply cannot be regained. If the betrayal was too large or the betrayed person unwilling to forgive, nothing you can do will ever make up for it.

The wounds we gain from being hurt by those that we love, admire and trust run deep and they are not easy to get over. These wounds sometimes shake the very foundation upon which a relationship was built and threaten to destroy the relationship forever. However, there are some situations both in personal and professional relationships where you may be able to regain the trust you have lost due to a poor decision or action. So, how can you regain broken trust?

Rebuilding Trust

The first thing you need to know about rebuilding trust is that you cannot change or "fix" the other person. You can't make them feel a certain way about you or force them to see things your way. They may be going through something in their lives that makes it more difficult for them to give you a second chance or their wounds from your betrayal may be so strong that they are not ready to forgive and forget. Patience will go a long way if you are serious about regaining their trust.

One of your first steps will be to learn why you lost the trust of the person in the first place. You can then take the proper steps to prevent this from happening again. Don't waste time trying to over explain or justify why you did what you did to lose the trust. Instead you have to focus on the future and changing the way they feel about your credibility.

Here are some tips:

Apologize - Offer an apology as soon after the offense as possible. Be sincere with your apology.

Increase your credibility- Are you dependable? Do you do what you say you will do?

Don't break promises - It's important to remember not to make promises that you will not be able to keep as this will make you appear untrustworthy.

Listen- Sometimes the best thing you can do is shut your mouth and listen to the other person. This shows that you care about their opinions and feelings.

Empathize- You need to truly try to understand what the other person is feeling. Put yourself in their shoes and try to feel how they feel. This will help you gain trust with the other party.

Provide restitution- In some situations, in may be helpful to provide some sort of restitution to the victim to help regain their trust. While it won't make up for what was lost, it does show your willingness to make things right again and this can go a long way in rebuilding trust.

Communicate openly and accurately- Always say what you mean and make sure you keep the communication open in the relationship.

Establish consistency and reliability- As you build your reliability and maintain consistent in your actions, it will become easier to trust you. Forgiving and Learning to Trust Again

What if you were on the receiving end of the mistrust and someone is trying to regain your trust? The betrayal of broken trust is a painful thing and it's not easy to just forgive and begin to trust again. However, it is possible.

If you are in a situation where someone you love or care about has lost your trust and they want the opportunity to regain it, what can you do to help? As we said before, it takes the work of both parties for trust to be rebuilt. If you make the decision to try to trust again, you have to stick by that decision.

Be willing to work on rebuilding trust- You must be willing to work on the relationship. If you are not willing to do this, you should let the other person know right up front.

Don't throw past events back at them. - If you say you have forgiven, it's unfair to bring up past mistakes and tease or taunt the person. Let the past stay where it belongs.

Don't threaten. - Threats and warnings such as "if you ever do this again..." or "you're lucky I'm giving you another chance..." will not help the relationship. Be open about what you expect from them but in a simple and honest way.

Avoid ultimatums. - Avoid ultimatums such as "Change now or lose me forever!" However, you should be open and honest about your limits. For example, you may explain, "I was very hurt by your actions and it may take me time to heal from this

Communicate- It's very important that you communicate properly with the person you are working to trust again. Listen carefully when they talk to you and be willing to share your feelings and emotions as well.

Reaffirm commitment to the relationship- You both need to reaffirm your commitment to the relationship and the desire to overcome the incident that led to the mistrust.

Be patient- Allow the person time to reconcile and prove themselves trustworthy again. This is a process that will not happen over night and may actually take a long time to regain completely. Remember that regaining trust is a healing process. You shouldn't expect things to get better quickly. It will take time and effort on the part of both parties if you hope to carry on a healthy relationship and learn to trust again.

there is a very special message in this song at the end, and there are no spoken words in what he says. Watch his hands....

Dr. Cox

last kiss

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

To the Dutchmen

I, like the Dutchmen, must pay my dues. I must respect those who have requested things from me. I will be at sea paying for my sins now. If you want to hang out, that will be fun, but I am not going to talk about what is haunting me, or what I want to do about it.

Talk to me about work, or school. Those things are fine. But there are somethings I guess that shouldn't be spoken.

Are you afraid of death?

hmmm

With time, love, compassion, and forgivness can heal any wound.

Reflections

We hold these truths to be self evident, that we all experiance a Civil War which will rage in our hearts. Between what is right and what is wrong. We are tempted by fate to give up and to let go. To give in to anger, and to become jaded. To blame others for events that we have no control over instead of forgiving them. To let go of compassion and love and give into hate and self pitty. We lie to ourselves and fool our peers, friends, and those we love. Pain is natural, and lose is part of life, but do not run from yourself. Become a better person, and always remember that there are those of us around us that love and will always support you, even if it hurts to be loved. Time and faith are what you must hold onto, even when the rest of the world tells you to run. Be true to your heart, and your soul will thank you for the rest of eternity.

Oct 13

"The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself." Garth Brooks

Everything'll be alright (Will's lullaby)

Way down, in New York town
Thinking about the way she loved me
There's a hole in my pocket
That's about her size
But I think everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes I hope everything
Is gonna be alright

The smiling face, straight in LA
The gifts are found at the bar
But I wish my car
Could drive to her tonight
Then I'd know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes then I'd know
It'll be alright

The rain in New Orleans, forgot to end
But the mouths of the people are dry
And we watch and wait
And do nothing but sigh
And hope everything
Is gonna turn alright
But I don't know
If it'll be alright

But I look at you, warm in your dream
While your mobile dances above
And I think to myself
It's a beautiful night
And I know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes now I know
It'll be alright

well...

It is time for the guns to fall silent...
It is time to just fade away.

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is always patient; love is always kind; love is never envious or arrogant with pride. Nor is she conceited,

People

What an interesting topic, for I am one. This for some reason applies to all of us. Topic of morality, right and wrong, and what happens when we choose what we choose. We usually all know what is right and wrong, and we come up with our own outlooks on morality. We all learn through experiance. Experiance is funny, because you gain it moments after you really needed it. We learn through mistakes. And even if we knew what was right or what was wrong, for some reason we usually do what we damn well please. This comes from the fact that for the most part people are selfish. But one day, for some reason, a freight train hits you and you realize a lot of things. First of what was right and what was wrong. Even if you knew it before, it becomes more clear. Second, "HOLY CRAP WHAT DID I DO!". It isn't until something hits you hard, something is taken from you, or something blows up in your face do you usually realize what has happened. And then from that point you start to a look at the causes and effects. How did this happen, why did this happen. What did I neglect!? And then at that point usually you must man up and face who you are, no matter what it is. I found out what an ugly, evil person I was. truly. I was selfish, and I thought of my actions on how they would effect one person, and that was myself. It wasn't until it effected someone I truly cared about, and watch it hurt them did I realize what I had done. And how all these little things that I thought weren't that important, those things started to fit into a larger picture. And it was a very bad picture. IT was at that point I started to look in the mirror and feel ashamed of who I was. Now that I have identified the how, the what, now I can change those things I see as the bad parts. Its funny because someone I know was telling me all along, but I didn't listen. Too concerned with myself. And now I realize that that person just wanted me to be a better person, and person that they saw under the selfishness. It wasn't until I watched that person walk out, and give up, it wasn't until that point that I was forced to no longer ignore who I was, and to look at everything. I will thank that person for the rest of my life for what they have done. How they cared for me. I just wish I could have shown that back. And I hope one day that person can appreciate how humbled and greatful I am to them.

Thank you special person.

If you haven't seen it...

"The Last Kiss" is not a romantic comedy by any stretch of the imagination, no matter what advertising campaign the studio launched. This is a well-acted, well-told story about the dumb things we men do to the women we love. And, of course, the consequences.
Couples should see this film. It's a mature, thoughtful, unpretentious, and sometimes even difficult, movie to see. But it is gratifyingly good. Don't go expecting a typical fluffy date movie. This film raises interesting and important questions about couplehood and then lets you figure out the answers. When was the last time a Hollywood film did that?

It hit home pretty hardcore with me, and after a year and a month since I saw it, I am only now learning its lessons and meaning.

sometimes its a hard road....

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself."
- Galileo Galilei

Life is a rough ocean...

We all need a lighthouse, to guide us, to be our rock and our warning. Always listen to your light house. Also, lighthouses are very pretty.

Oh my....

figured out something today

Don't sit there and do nothing, if there is a problem, try to fix it. If there is an obsticle, try going over it, around it, something. Just remember to keep others in mind. No need to be a bull in a china shop. Just make it happen without hurting others.

hmmmm....

What happens when the one you love, doesn't love you back anymore?

Movie

I made

Another note

I may not be with my Ex-girlfriend, but that is my business and hers, but if I ever hear anyone talk bad about her in my presence I swear to god I will rip their larynx out of their throat and show it to them as they choke on their own blood.

Fitz Out.

Beer

So I have never liked yellow pussy beer. I actually can't stand it. If I have another person tells me how awesome coors light or PBR is, and they shove it in my face and try some BS peer pressure, I am going to drop kick the thing like a little child that needs to be discarded like in sparta! Get some class, get some balls, get the good stuff. I have drank Guinness for a long time (which it is not actually a beer, it is a Porter style dry stout. But that might be to complicated to go into right now!)And now I have found more people that brew to my liking. Hello to the Stone Brewery. Arrogant Bastard Ale, Ruination IPA, and Stone Smoked Porter. All adorned with a bad ass gargoyle. Nothing kicks you in the teeth and tells your liver you hate it like beers brewed to kick like a mule! Hops, Barley, none of this was supposed to look like Horse Urine. So here is the question Why do we still drink Horse Piss. Well I take my Stand, no more of that Shit!

To Move on or not to? And what am I even moving from?

I have done a lot of soul searching and have asked many peers for advice. Many have much to say, few of them have much of value. Not to say their intentions aren't in the right place. To be honest I am not sure what I am looking for. Maybe its attention, maybe its sympathy. But not many people can be sympathetic for something that they have over come. I maybe strong on the outside, but I have this jello like substance on the inside. So now I sit at a cross roads. What am I to do now with this situation. I have many options. I can lash out, turn my pain into hate, and go taste testing this whole town over. It might bring me a little fun here and there, at least a while. But I am kidding myself there, I would just be hidding many things and running from what really is happening. I can continue to dwell and with that depression and insainity will set in. But I am already pretty insain and childish, or so I am told by friends and foes a like. So to delve deeper into that hole would probably not be wise.

So I think I will move on, just like that dusty road that no one is sure where it leads, and start to walk. No longer can I just stare at those who have already moved on. I will hold my secrets, and my desires, and I will just procede. I don't know where I am going.

All I know is that what once held me in a content and peaceful state is no longer that cork in my bottle. So be weary of how or where you cross, for there is nothing that holds back my wrath anymore. If you don't want to know what I am thinking, do not think I will be cordual any more. You will get the full brunt of my thoughts. Be that if I think you are the most magnificant creature to grace our presence, or if you are the lowest scum which diseases everything you cross when you open your mouth and let the caustic fumes of your opinions escape into the air.

Kiss the rain

I put this song at the top of my playlist, because it was in the movie which I have blogged below. It had lots of meaning to me in Iraq, and now it has even more meaning to me now. Things have changed in my life, I have changed. And now I just wish there was rain...

Silent bob sums up my life in a nut shell.

Don't believe me?
Well just watch.

What the...

I re-wrote this post all together. I am just so lost in my own world. I don't know it anymore...

Rocket Man

So I have always loved this song. I really like the cover by Daughtry. Actually there are a lot of Elton John songs I like but I like the covers. But this song is special to me. I was sent off to war with this song. It reminds me of home, and it reminds me of me.

"She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And i'm gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much i miss my wife
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight"

I had someone help me pack my bags. Not a wife, but my best friend. It is lonely out in space, maybe not outer space. But the space of our lives, you really are all on your own. You could be surronded by millions of people and still be alone.

"And i think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think i am at home
Oh no no no i'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone"

I really don't think I am the man that many people think I am. I am strong on the outside, but not all the way through. Always battling with self doubt and feelings of worthlessness. I get through it, put on a confident outter shell and move on. But I think I am at an age, not a child anymore. A responsible adult, but yet not seen as that through the eyes of my peers. My words mean very little in most context to most people.

"Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science i don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man"

I don't know about kids, but I can tell you just living out in the world is cold. There isn't much that makes you feel warm anymore. And unless you have some people that are really close (and sometimes even with them) it seems that there is no one really out there. I take my job seriously, and I want to do my best. But I don't understand where most of the people I work with come from or why they are there. They are not there for the same reasons I am there. I am not sure where many of my friends are coming from because I am in a different place.

"And i think it's gonna be a long long time..."

No matter what happens, I think everything is going to take a long long time. Maybe not long in time context but a lot longer than we wish it would take. And other things we know will take a long long time, and may actually never happen.


We do live in a very cold, desolate, isolated place called life. Its a good think I like the cold, but some times I wish I could just go back home..... where ever that is.

a song

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was i, when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.

So the years went by, I stayed the same
And she began to drift away, I was left alone
Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "i will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,
Like she loved me, when she loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
When she loved me.

"When she loved me" Sarah McLachlan

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3cquu_sarah-mclachlan-when-somebody-loved_music

My Bamboo

This really is just about hope, and as many know I like to use a lot of symbols. My life is full of them. I lost hope, about a year ago I lost hope. It was a small silver necklace given to me by someone very special in my life, and I lost it. Cut out of the flat piece of silver was the Japanese word for Hope. And taking it off one day when I was at work, and so I would be in regulations for my uniform I left it somewhere and never found it. I never found hope from that person again. Which is sad because it fits into what has happened as of late. Well about 5 months ago I bought a plant, a bamboo plant. It was to be my new hope. Well two months ago I almost let it die because I thought there was no more hope left. Well I have vowed to take care of this little plant, to bring it back, and to have it be something that represents my hope. So for any of those who read this, and to that person that I hope reads this...............................

I HAVEN'T LOST HOPE.

Slowly fading away

Have you ever felt like someone is selecting all those files that we call memories and putting them into the recycle bin? Like, as if somehow your life is some big desktop that can be manipulated. Well isn't that all our life is? We store our memories, pictures, and other files in our minds and our hearts. Every emotion we feel and experiance we have we store somewhere, and we even network with others, and share those files, pictures, memories and emotions. Maybe that is why it is so easy to get lost in cyber space, and how people think that it is just as real as reality. I am not making this into some internet argument. On the contrary, I am talking about real life, and just using our fascination with online things as a point, if not an intrigual part of modern life. We share our experiances, and our knowledge and life with others all the time. This is the basis of networking. And with technology it is all the more easier to do so. But what happens when one of those you shared a lot of experiances and emotions with chooses to systimatically erase you? I understand the burden of remembering things, but it is such an unpleasent experiance to be erased from someone. With recent experiances in my life I have more and more thought of just falling off the face of the earth when it comes to networking, or cyberspace, or anything for that matter. To just become a ghost. I am not sure if that is right. People say you need to keep living, to move on. In a way I will never move on, there will always be peices of me scattered in those memories and dreams. I don't know if I want to go back and gather those peices up. I was told that it is hard to give away your heart to someone. I don't believe them, if you truly love a person it is easy to give your heart to them. I can tell you it was very easy to give mine away. Its just become very hard to take it back when that person doesn't want it anymore. They don't want it, and I don't really want it back. I liked having a care taker for my heart, even if that care taker didn't trust it. It was like that pet that you don't know if it dug in the garden or if it was the dog next door. But regardless, now I am wittnessing my heart that I don't want back get erased while it rests in my hands, my dignity get ignored and erased also, and all those little peices of me that I liked having scattered, well I may never get them back even if I wanted to. Those are being swept up and thrown away, and I can't stop that. Well actually I won't stop that, because if I did, I would just cause more pain more around.

So here I am stuck in the middle of an ocean of reality and cyberspace, and I am sinking in my ship. My patches have all sprung leaks, and I don't have the heart to swim anymore. I guess it is time for me to go down with my ship......

And so it has begun

If anyone has known me for some time, the months of July and August, a strange thing starts to brew in my mind. Not women in bikinis, or other summer fun. On the contrary in fact, I really don't enjoy summer. I love Fall, and Winter. I am sitting waiting for Fall to descend upon us. Especially since last year Uncle Sam thought I shouldn't get to enjoy my favorite seasons properly. And yes, as my friends Aj and Woody know, Christmas music starts to play occasionally.

But on to my real thing to address. Celebrations. Parties, Formals, ect. Why do I bring this up? Well for about four years I tried to put together a formal Christmas feast, which seemed to never planned at a good time. To much school for most friends, to formal for most friends, not enough booze for most friends. I have, and for some time now, grown sick of the teenage parties, and I now see that a lot of my friends are beginning to feel the same (welcome to the club guys). But this year I will not plan a party, for it always leads to disappointment. Unless someone expresses interests. Or I might have a cocktail party, with a strictly enforced Dress code. But that is for Christmas, other things, like Halloween, Thanksgiving and the likes, well we will see what happens. For the Last couple of years I have thrown some marvelous Halloween parties, which to my understanding, everyone has enjoyed. (some of us a little to much)

But I look forward to the Shorter days, colder weather. When I can dress in more inspiring attire, and where I can spend the season with friends in a festive (and hopefully more adult setting) manner, with drinks, fires, discussions, and food.

Super Troopers...Shenanigans

AMERICA NEEDS TO TOUGHEN UP!

It is humorous, funny, sad, disgusting, and a downright atrocity for this to happen. The older I get the more and more I see it. Maybe this is an unfair bias, or maybe I have regressed in social stature compared to my peers in modern day society, but something tells me that I am not, but instead see something most people would like to just bury their heads in the sand with.
People get angry if a couple of boys in the playground duke it out. I can see that, I wasn’t a big kid. I won some fights, and lost more than I won. But in the end I learned a lesson, if you are going to commit to a fight, winning is what you must do. And only fight if there isn’t another way to solve the problem.
This comes down to my problem with a lot of my peers, which is actually a twofold problem. I will address the first one and get to the other later. The first is that, we have been so warped that we believe we no longer have to fight, anything, anyone and there is nothing that really warrants us fighting for. Sad, but true; but unless it concerns that one person, they really could care less about it. Which is fine, but since we have become so Peace-nick, most people can’t identify the point where it can no longer be solved by other means and when they need to fight. I know someone is going to leave the comment that we can always find another way….. I would love to debate with you over that matter, but that’s a different story. Actually it’s not, let me put it to you simply if you think we can talk everything out. This next sentence is directed to, yes you, the “We can negotiate, and talk our problems out, and come to a calm conclusion without any type of violence.” If this is you, this is what I have to say. YOU ARE A FUCKING MORAN. DUMB, UNREALISTIC, AND JUST OBSURD. You are protected right now by society, which is good for you, but look at history. Humans are Violent, and ruthless. We have not changed in 10s of thousands of years. The only thing that has changed is our ability to create technology which can propagate violence in a more effective and lethal manner. And if society ever kicks the can, and you try to “Talk it out”, here is probably the outlook on your situation. You = Dead, other dude= has all your stuff and is still alive.
That ties into the second thing, which I really covered a bit above. Humans are competitive, cognitive, and aggressive animals. We are at the top of the food chain and our only true threat in the animal world is well; other Humans. And from the beginning of time, humans have killed (Oh no, dare I say that word, yes, yes I did. Killed as in death, homicide, genocide, murder, warfare, fighting, conflict, shall I go on?) OTHER HUMANS. But my peers would like to over look that fact, because people don’t kill people (See above, yes we do. Oh you don’t believe, read the news, look at shit around you. I didn’t believe, then I went to war, and I got to see dead people. And they didn’t fall over for no reason!) These peers scare me, they make me sad, and to be honest I will say I view them as weak, careless, and naive. I am not sure how society will change this perception that we need to make everything safe, and no one should be tough. I watch the masculinity of modern American Society slowly wither and die, and why? Because we are taught from a young age that we must avoid conflict no matter the cost. Not the fact that we should avoid conflict until the situation warrants it. Not the fact that you exhaust your options, but when you need to, you must fight, and put everything you have into it and win. Technology has also made us complacent. Sometimes it’s not as simple as pressing a button. Sometimes it gets in your face. Look, if you are an American, and you like living here, do me a favor. Go into your history (and not what you are taught in school) and realize we are a society that was created through a chaotic fire storm of revolt and violence, and everything leading up until yesterday, today, and tomorrow, will find some root in violence. Before there was a “New World” all our history is based upon conflict and violence. Don’t believe me? We have always been told to do your best. To be competitive. That was conditioned into humans for mere survival of the species. Well just look..

Prehistoric Weapons

With the advent of tools, Humans could now conduct conflict and warfare with greater ease, but stone hand tools is not where it stopped. By the time we get to Greece, no longer was it stone tools, and hide clothing. But now true tactics, metal weapons, training, and in some cases, cultural conditioning.

Spartan Hoplite

Macedonian Phalanx

With adaptation of Armor and tactics, the rise and fall of civilizations have come to fruition through conflict.

When Rome Fell, dark ages insued, man receded, Humanity in europe no longer existed in the classical sense, and reverted to subjecation, and was haunted by disease, famine, and conflict.

Even with the Renaissance, conflict did not go away. 100 years war, the war of the rose. Constant battle's between the major powers. But we keep saying we are more civilized. But this country broke away from what was regarded as the most "Proper" in all of Europe.....

And we Broke away from the English in 1776, and created this land. And in 1812, we fought another war of Independence against the British, because they didn't think we should be a nation.

Lets just go through it if you didn't pay attention in history. As a young nation as we are, look what we have done so far.


1798-1800
Franco-American Naval War
United States vs. France
1801-1805; 1815
Barbary Wars
United States vs. Morocco, Algiers, Tunis, and Tripoli
1812-1815
War of 1812
United States vs. Great Britain
1813-1814
Creek War
United States vs. Creek Indians
1836
War of Texas Independence
Texas vs. Mexico
1846-1848
Mexican War
United States vs. Mexico
1861-1865
Civil War
Union vs. Confederacy
1898
Spanish-American War
United States vs. Spain
1914-1918
World War I
Triple Alliance: Germany, Italy, and Austria-Hungary vs. Triple Entente: Britain, France, and Russia. The United States joined on the side of the Triple Entente in 1917.
1939-1945
World War II
Axis Powers: Germany, Italy, Japan vs. Major Allied Powers: United States, Great Britain, France, and Russia
1950-1953
Korean War
United States (as part of the United Nations) and South Korea vs. North Korea and Communist China
1960-1975
Vietnam War
United States and South Vietnam vs. North Vietnam
1961
Bay of Pigs Invasion
United States vs. Cuba
1983
Grenada
United States Intervention
1989
US Invasion of Panama
United States vs. Panama
1990-1991
Persian Gulf War
United States and Coalition Forces vs. Iraq
1995-1996
Intervention in Bosnia and Herzegovina
United States as part of NATO acted peacekeepers in former Yugoslavia
2003
Invasion of Iraq
United States and Coalition Forces vs. Iraq

And to think, we have some people in this country that think that conflict is not a part of the way America does things. Well its the way Humans do things, so if you are human, and if you are an American, its how things are done. GET OVER IT, and Stop breeding a society of pansies!

I think One Of the prettiest landscapes, this, which is Prague. The other place that I need to get some pictures is Stolkholm.

A very trashed room...

So my room is completely trashed, and it really just describes my life right now. Cluttered, a little overwhelming, and no matter where I start, nothing really seems to make an impact. Maybe my room will be clean soon, and maybe I will start to see headway with what I do soon.