"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of—wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark nor even eagle flew—
And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Bitter sweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun
Rising in the East
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

Its not about going back

Never again can you go to the past and relive, or change it. All you can do is change the present and future. It is not about re-making the threads of old, yet instead making the threads into something new. All that we create we can destroy, all we destroy can be rebuilt. It is not that it will be the same, or ever compare, but if you have hope, trust, and if you are willing to take a chance, you can make it better. But would you like to live without chance? yes you may not make it if you take a chance, it may not work. And many years from now, dying in your bed, would you trade all your days, to go back and just take that chance, to give into hope? Only you can answer that for yourself.

I may have started to go crazy today, but I am pretty sure someone else is crazy too. Here's to being nuts. I need to meditate and clear my brain of this insanity.

Saw my Ex today.

So she probably doesn't care or is angry that I stopped and made sure she was ok since I saw her and her mom had been in a small fender bender. Maybe some people don't understand why one would still care about their ex, but I just wanted to see if she was ok. That was all, nothing suspicious, nothing crazy. Just wanted to see if I could help, and to make sure her and her mom were alright. Maybe it wasn't the wisest thing to do this one year mark after we have broken up, but you know what, it was the right thing to do.

I can't wait till....

first snow fall.

Everywhere I go I see your face
Every sound I hear is the sound of your voice
Why are you haunting me
Why are you haunting me
Why can't I let you go
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?

Everything about me is a lie
At least it seems that way when I look in your eyes
The truth scares the shit out of me
Whoever said love is real and love is blood
has never felt the way that I do

What does it matter?
What's done is done and I should get on with my life
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?

Well, I don't know what it means
But I can't seem to make myself forget
Was it something that you said
Was it all the guilt inside my head

Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?
Why are you haunting me?

rock and a hard place

Seek the truth. Its all up to you....

wicked....

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.

No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you,

No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I... (This world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

..

Sometimes we just aren't right. Sometimes we have to be adult enough and admit we were wrong.

Always isn't always, sometimes you just have to be willing to listen,

You are always so sure about your opinion, but I have watched you change it. You are always so set in your ways, but I have seen that shift too. You say you know what you know and it must be the way it is, just to see you find out it’s not what you thought. But right now, you are so headstrong, because if this is what you think it is, that means you might have made the wrong choice. You didn't make the wrong choice; you made the choice you had to. It was afterwards, that is when everything got confusing. I don't mean this to be a direct confrontation, on the contrary. You don't do well with someone saying that you did this, and in a lot a ways you didn't, you were fed a bunch of crap. Lies and all sorts of other things. You are such a strong person, yet people took advantage and manipulated you. They use and abuse you. They lie to you and others about what they do, what they have said. There are others out there that know the truth, but they aren't going to tell you, because you don't seem to want the truth. Which is strange because you have told me the truth is the most important thing in the world? I could sit here and talk all sorts of stuff about your friends, new relations ECT, and I have a lot I could say, about them, you, your judgment, but it is not my place. For some reason those who care about you, who need to ask you tough questions for your benefit, they don't want to say anything in fear of upsetting you.

Look we have history, and that is true, you know my feelings for you, and to be honest I have no clue what you think anymore. We both did things to each other that weren't right, and we both lied. But I am not here to beg for you back. That is not what this is about. Hell I don't even need your forgiveness as much as that pains me. The big thing is I see someone I care about a lot being played like a fool. Yes you are being played like a fool, as was I. I will not stand by and let others let me be a tool to hurt you. I will not sit here and listen to all the lies that have clouded your mind. Things which are so outrageous and absurd. Let me ask this... When did I ever hit you? That’s right, I never did. When did I raise my voice? There was about 3 occasions. THREE TIMES! Did I lie to you? Yes I did. Thank you for teaching that lesson. But you know what this isn't about me. Because I also learned sometimes some people are way more important than your own self gratification, self importance, and one's ability to impress people. To be honest none of that shit really matters. You have treated me like crap over the last year. The words verbally and emotionally abusive, actually you could describe it like that. But you are forgiven, you always have been. I actually am willing to take that abuse. But you are being taken advantage of, you being put in harms way, that I do not want to accept. But you know what, someone will just tell you, "See he is trying to manipulate you!", "He is trying to communicate with you so he can lie to you again." Well babe your friends betray you every day, some of the closet ones. Some that are more like Smeagel as a river folk Hobbit, corrupted by power and manipulation. Remember, respect strength not power. They disrespect you in ways you don't even know, and that includes their interactions with me. They play all sides, tell you one thing, about my abuse of others, and turn and tell others I abused them. You were there, you know what really happened. But that person doesn't like to share her friends with her friend's lover. So the answer was a pretty straight forward one, good bye friend's lover. Before you say this is outrageous! Before you say this is lies and manipulation. Look at it with your logic, step outside of your pain. Look at it. Remember all the things we talked about. How weirded out some were. Don’t just look at me, look at all the other friends that have been turned upon. How they are so evil too. How they are bad people and must be dropped. What happens when it is your turn? The Ogre that is loyal to Smegal has been just as corrupted because of insecurity, jealousy, and anger. They avoid even talking to me; they separate you from the opportunity to talk to me. There is so much that has happened that it seems it would be easier to sweep it under the rug, and write it all off. But that’s not so. They convince you that you want nothing to do with any other side of the story. You may never talk to me again, but now it’s time for me to tell you that you need to be warned. You know, like all the warnings they tell you, tell all others, to stay away because I will turn on you, and use you. Well, beware where those warnings come from. See the reactions and how much they need to control the situation. You are the calm one; you are the strong one, and the one who can see the lies. I tell you that you can examine what I say all you want. Cross reference it. I have nothing to hide. Can they offer you that? Do I set traps out for you like they do for me? Posting this is going to be a cry out, and they will tell you, see he is trying to reach you. Well this note could be to anyone, but you know it’s not.

I SUFFERED FROM ALL THESE THINGS! I WAS ONE OF THEM! I KNOW THEIR GAME!

Why am I different? Why now? Well you hold the answer to that, because it’s you.

Search the truth, you have only been shown one side of the story, a story used to control you. I would like you to see the truth, not for my sake, I don't matter, but you do.

Justin Timberlake, not sexy back, just back around.

Hey Girl
Is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world (world)
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you, baby (baby)
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't wanna think about it (uh)
Don't wanna talk about it (uh)
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it (uh)
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair

Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
Yeah

Now Girl
I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now (on now)
Maybe I should do the same (maybe I should do the same)
The funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you baby (baby)
And now, it's all just a shame
That I guess I was wrong

Don't wanna think about it (no)
Don't wanna talk about it (hm)
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it (uh)
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Can you tell me is this fair

Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
Yeah

What goes around comes around
Yeahhh
What goes around comes around
You should know that
What goes around comes around
Yeahhh
What goes around comes around
You should know that

Don't wanna think about it (no)
Don't wanna talk about it (hm)
I'm just so sick about it
I can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it (uh)
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair

Is the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around (shoulda known better)
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around (now it's breaking my heart)
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's ok, baby, cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around
Yeah