Slowly fading away

Have you ever felt like someone is selecting all those files that we call memories and putting them into the recycle bin? Like, as if somehow your life is some big desktop that can be manipulated. Well isn't that all our life is? We store our memories, pictures, and other files in our minds and our hearts. Every emotion we feel and experiance we have we store somewhere, and we even network with others, and share those files, pictures, memories and emotions. Maybe that is why it is so easy to get lost in cyber space, and how people think that it is just as real as reality. I am not making this into some internet argument. On the contrary, I am talking about real life, and just using our fascination with online things as a point, if not an intrigual part of modern life. We share our experiances, and our knowledge and life with others all the time. This is the basis of networking. And with technology it is all the more easier to do so. But what happens when one of those you shared a lot of experiances and emotions with chooses to systimatically erase you? I understand the burden of remembering things, but it is such an unpleasent experiance to be erased from someone. With recent experiances in my life I have more and more thought of just falling off the face of the earth when it comes to networking, or cyberspace, or anything for that matter. To just become a ghost. I am not sure if that is right. People say you need to keep living, to move on. In a way I will never move on, there will always be peices of me scattered in those memories and dreams. I don't know if I want to go back and gather those peices up. I was told that it is hard to give away your heart to someone. I don't believe them, if you truly love a person it is easy to give your heart to them. I can tell you it was very easy to give mine away. Its just become very hard to take it back when that person doesn't want it anymore. They don't want it, and I don't really want it back. I liked having a care taker for my heart, even if that care taker didn't trust it. It was like that pet that you don't know if it dug in the garden or if it was the dog next door. But regardless, now I am wittnessing my heart that I don't want back get erased while it rests in my hands, my dignity get ignored and erased also, and all those little peices of me that I liked having scattered, well I may never get them back even if I wanted to. Those are being swept up and thrown away, and I can't stop that. Well actually I won't stop that, because if I did, I would just cause more pain more around.

So here I am stuck in the middle of an ocean of reality and cyberspace, and I am sinking in my ship. My patches have all sprung leaks, and I don't have the heart to swim anymore. I guess it is time for me to go down with my ship......